World Cup ads — winners & losers
Since I am trapped on my couch this week, I am watching every minute of the World Cup. I wouldn’t say that I am lucky — washing myself is a spectacularly pathetic event that involves trash bags, duct tape and a shower chair — but there could be worse times to be forced into couch duty.
A by-product of my new sedentary lifestyle is the watching of World Cup commercials. Everyone can see what’s happening in the games. But I am here to report on who’s winning the ad race. Below are winners, losers and my favorite so far.
LOSER: adidas, “The Quest”
When the full-length teaser ad came out, all the hair on my neck stood up. Zidane, the hooded wizard king, would be deciding his successor. IT WAS SO ON. I had flashbacks to some of the greatest soccer ads ever, like the old Nike ones where the players are trapped on an island and have to play 3 v 3 in a cage to somehow escape. (Of course that’s the only way!)
I had been set up for historic awesomeness. But then the ads came, and nothing happened. No soccer. Just Messi stupidly jumping over some mythic air tackles. A move by Kaka that even I know how to do. And suddenly Zidane the hooded wizard king was driving in some sissy car and Messi was jumping around next to it. (Don’t get me started on the one where Jozy has his boots in suitcases. Seriously. Don’t. Stop.)
All in an effort to get me to go to Facebook? Whatever, dude. Classic case of overthinking. It’s easy: Get Zizou the hooded wizard king to have some kind of epic tournament on a mountaintop field between all these up-and-comers to see who will be elevated into the next God Among Men. Have them do crazy stuff with the ball that dorks like me have wet dreams about.
And don’t show Jozy until he scores a freaking goal in a meaningful game.
Fail.
Winner — Nike, “Write the Future”
These ads are not perfect. But in the absence of legendary stuff like Brazil team juggling its way through the airport — and compared to adidas’ misfires — this will have to do.
The best? The one with Ronaldinho. You’d think they would have pulled that one, seeing as he is not even on the Brazil side. But no! There it is. I can see some Nike exec: “Look, we spent the money. And what the hell do American fans know? Besides, all Brazilians look the same, right?”
Loser —AT&T, “Orange things covering the entire planet”
Let’s take a orange curtain and run it into the ocean while a crappy song plays in the background!
How about you give the orange curtain a break and just stop dropping my calls, jerkmouths?
Winner — Dodge, “Cars and Freedom”
My favorite ad of the Cup. It’s fantastic on many levels, the most basic being the pure bad-assery of George Washington driving a car through the terrified Red Coats. (And with the English crashing out the Cup, it also piles onto another historic loss of theirs.)
On a deeper level, it speaks to what truly brings this country together these days: Things we were awesome at in the past and underdog sporting events of the present. There is probably not another happier collective moment in this country’s last five, possibly even 10 years, than Lando’s goal against Algeria.
Half the country was pissed when Obama got elected. More than half the country was drunk when the Saints won the Super Bowl. But Fox News, MSNBC and everyone in between could get behind a USA soccer team kicking ass in a sport the rest of the world wants so desperately us to suck at.
Cars and freedom. America. F*ck yeah!
